Reflective evaluation of the skills of counselling

Reflective evaluation of the skills of discussThis essay is a glistenive evaluation of the skills of counselling applied to loss and grief in a students extremity of learning how to travel the journey of the therapeutic all toldiance with the client. The essay testament contain reflections of verbatim archetypes from during the practice academic session in which Steven Felice is the client, and Caroline Roberts the advocator. The essay will as well as discuss via relevant literature the process of person-centred counselling in the focus of loss through bonds of attachment and continuing bonds.The practice session took bewilder in counselling room two, at ACAP on the 21st of April 2010, between Steven Felice and Caroline Roberts. Steven wanted to discuss the loss of a experience. This partnership for Steven was a friendship that had begun in early childhood and carried a deep bond of attachment, for which Steven is finding the loss hard to accept. During the session I spe nt the majority of the time wizard of tasteing to Steven and reflecting as best I could the content and emotion of his experience. When dealing with loss in relation to friendships it is important to offer the client the same respect to excited depth of expression as that of a person experiencing loss from a death.For Steven the loss of significance surrounded his childhood friend no longer compliments to be as end as usual due to her recent change of religious affiliation. For Steven this seems voiceless to accept, as he was willing to try to experience and acknowledge her needs and she seems to have rejected him. He also seems to feel loss around his confidence with how he relates and interacts with people, which appears to be trust related issues. closely a loss of innocence has been triggered by the loss of this important attachment bond. Loss is such(prenominal) an immense part of living and loving that it would be difficult to counsel without an sympathizeing of the theory of attachment.Mallon (2008) suggests understanding attachment in grief and loss counselling is essential due to the basis that all human relationships argon based in attachment, from the first attachment to adepts mother, extending through lifes interactions to include those called friends and lovers. Neimeyer, Baldwin, Gillies (2006) discuss how with the loss of a loved one, people tend to keep the attachment existent and well within their memories, stories, dreams, images, and even music or ornaments. When a loved one is no longer in presence, then the attachment and relationship changes only when it does not cease to exist, the relationship is merely rewritten or shifted to another reality or perception. As is the case with Stevens relationship, at 1604 Steven says, he fights in his deliver head when asked near the whether he is still maintaining the relationship, which would seem to indicate quite clearly that he is continuing the bond and relationship even though s he is unaw ar of this.During the session I felt I established rapport, and was present with Steven, as well as using active listening, reflection, and questions, although I could have phrased these more appropriately, I also used silence to take Steven his thoughts. I dont know that I was able to apply a structured assessment during the session, as in move to purposely work on coping skills, support systems, and spiritual or cultural dimensions. However I feel that we let the cat out of the baged rough these issues in the course of the session as reflection, active listening and questioning allowed these issues to come into play, e extraly when silence was used, allowing Steven to process and actualise his sense of spiritual connection and personal experiences and expectations.I would handle to reflect on my skills as an awaking, a process of realisation about how one is appropriate in being curious, respectful, congruent, empathic, and present simultaneously, without getting in ones induce way.Rogers (1942-2008) suggests that the counselling relationship provides a safe respectful environment in which the client feels comfortable and accepted enough to express their feelings knowing that the counseling will not judge them, but will listen and support them. As a grief, loss and bereavement counsellor I feel it would be rattling beneficial to hone my skills around person-centred counselling, with particular focus on attachment theory and continuing bonds. Person-centred counselling is such a great grounding for doing no harm, as it is based in Rogerss core conditions. Tolan (2003) describes the core conditions as requiring the counsellor to be mentally and emotionally present and remove themselves from the clients story by obviously listening without judgment or bias, with respect, congruence, and empathy, no forgetting unconditional positive regard. Bryant-Jefferies (2006) explains presence as a line of communication whereby both client and counsell or are empathically aware of each other. With the felt presence, the most significant element would be whether or not the client feels they are being understood, which can be present with appropriate reflection.During the session I felt that Steven and I were in a place of empathic contact, established through good rapport, and staying as present as possible. I feel I can improve my sense of presence as time allows skills to become second nature, as right now I oft get in my own way by worrying about whether or not I am demonstrating all the necessary skills. For example my art of reflection still needs to develop as shown with these examples C 0627 so youre swinging the previous style of relationship and interaction that you had from. S yeah, yeah I need that Some of my language could probably be improved by saying I sense you are missing the constriction of your relationship. Also I need to be mindful of using actors line manage so, as it can carry a feeling of judgement if the modulate is not just right.Another example C 0947 so you just said that, if I go back to you saying, that you are asking yourself about the relevance of keeping aboutone, now youre sort of talking about the boundaries and stuff, is that related. S ah, by keeping someone and having boundaries as such, I feel like it, like when I meet a new person now.. Again I begin with so, I gestate I actually begin nearly both reflection with so. Note to self do not say so. The reflection would be better if I phrased it I hear you questioning your feelings towards getting close to another affects you, which seems to be bring up the need for boundaries, could you tell me more about that.Around 0845 I ask so was she an intimate friend or I made Steven uncomfortable as you can see by his body language, where instead I could have asked could you tell me more about that, or what did that childhood friendship designate for you. The art of the question is another skill I need to practice, especi ally with careful open questions instead of unsympathetic blunt or, the too intrusive kind of questions. Nelson-Jones (2009) suggests that even though some background information can help the counsellor understand the clients background, open questions allow the client to express their story how they wish to, instead of the counsellor meeting their agenda. Respect is the underlying need in all questions with open questions such as, what does that mean for you, being a respectfully gentle asking for the clients meaning, and also another way to monitor counsellor curiosity with respect to the client.I could really hear that Steven attaches to people very deeply and quickly or easily, and I wanted to explore that with him, but alas my skills in how to achieve that need practise. Attachment is such a deep seated need and reflex that helps one find and express love that I feel its importance cannot be over behaviored. Russell-Chapin and Smith (2008) talk about the undeniable reality tha t love and loss are part of the whole experience of human attachment,with the point being that the more attached the relationship the more the loss may be felt and experienced. In addition they discuss how beneficial it can be to tell stories, and share our losses, as a way of continuing the life of ones loved one, for which the word anamnesis is used to describe the experience of remembering and representing our recollections and experiences of shared living with our lost loved one in the present moment. Here I relate to continuing bonds as there is sometimes no escaping the thoughts that float through ones consciousness and replay events, conversations, images, and special moments. Attig (2000) summed up the experience as the continuing of ones connection with those one loved when he stated the richness of lasting love consoles us (p283). Such words truly express how much sense it makes to keep on loving, keep remembering, keep dreaming, and keep sharing the memories of those we l ove, whose bodily presence is no longer tangible. act bonds with ones loved ones also brings up how much attachment plays in relationships, for if no attachment is felt, no meaningful relationship exists, and therefore no need to miss or remember.Around 1410 Steven begins telling me how his friend is involved in sure religious practices. At 1422 I reflect C So youre worried about her. Steven continues his story and I feel it is important to listen and use silence here as I sense he might need to hear his thoughts process this. Geldard Geldard (2008) express how new counsellors often find silence difficult because they are worried about visual aspect to demonstrate the skills required. However once the silence has become a comfortable reflex the counsellor can allow the client the precious moments of reflection often needed to mentally sit in a thought and own the feeling. Palmer Milner (2003) suggest that silence can be a very supportive property for the client to contemplate their thoughts when used appropriately and respectfully in a comfortable measure.Silence is a skill that requires self acceptance and a certain measure of self-assured comfort to be able to sit with the client when they require a moment to contemplate. Steven, given a moment to silently think then begins to reflect on his own spirituality in connection with the reactions he is experiencing. Walsh (2004) suggests that in some cases a person may be suffer their spiritual connection to self, brought into awareness by an experience of loss. As does feeling the loss of physical, emotional, or relational, connections, this could in turn affect ones ability to find some resolution within ones life. This is not surprising considering spirituality is one of the concepts that give life meaning in death as it does in life. Walsh (2004b) goes on to explain that peoples spiritual beliefs cross generations and evolve and develop, as family cultures evolve and develop, embedding and adjusting val ues and beliefs that surround not only life and love but also death.When I look at the experience of loss Steven has shared with me, and consider how I could have explored this more to address his coping style, support system, spiritual or religious beliefs, as well as his cultural influences, I am not sure at my level of competency in twenty minutes how to achieve all of that whilst respectfully listening to his story and allowing the client to lead and own the session. Johns (2005) cites Rogerss who states The degree to which I can create relationships which facilitate the growth of others as separate persons is a measure of the growth I have achieved in myself (p5). This statement is a very powerful truth to which I feel as a counsellor is the aim of self development and a very necessary goal to practice and reflect constantly on the skills. Johns (2005b) explores some of the ways in which counsellor skills can be practiced, including personal counselling, doing practice sessions , keeping diary of skills development, taking risks when practicing to develop confidence, thereby, learning to relax and own the space of self within the counselling dynamic.Personally I have volunteered at my local church to get actual practice and develop my confidence as well as my skills. I also believe that going through the process of being a volunteer within the counselling realm will also help me to understand more about myself and where I wish to focus my future as a counsellor. So here in lies how I intend to move in advance to becoming a better counsellor and person.To conclude this wonderful and challenging self reflection, I would like to acknowledge that I am growing as a counsellor. I am learning how important the theories and models associated with bereavement are vital to allow a counsellor to be of actual assistance to a person suffering. I am confirmed through my research of the theories and models, that love and attachment are vital in life, death, and counsell ing. Being able to workshop my faults and successes is also a vital process in the development of my use and understanding of not just the skills but why they are so important, particularly in the field of counselling in loss.